Sorry for yelling. However, my point stands.

The moment we compare ourselves to someone else, we enter a battle we cannot truly win. We measure our lives against what we can see of theirs, often without knowing what exists beneath the surface.

Sometimes we say that we want to stop comparing, yet we continue returning to the habits, environments, and thoughts that keep the comparison alive.

That may sound harsh, so take my hand and walk with me. Let us journey towards what is actually bothering us.

You are not alone. I am speaking to myself too.

How It Begins

It has become common to yearn for someone else’s life. Most of the time, that yearning begins quietly.

When we are young, various experiences shape the way we see ourselves. Parents, siblings, friends, teachers, strangers and the images we encounter along the way can all contribute to that perception.

Like resentment, inferiority does not always arrive fully formed. For some, the feeling passes. For others, it gradually becomes part of their identity.

Inferiority can sometimes appear through recognizable patterns:

• Low self-esteem — a persistent belief that you are not good enough, intelligent enough or successful enough.
• Constant comparison — regularly measuring yourself against others and always finding yourself lacking.
• Withdrawal — avoiding people, challenges or opportunities because you fear failure or rejection.
• Overcompensation — attempting to conceal feelings of inadequacy by becoming overly competitive, aggressive or boastful.
• Perfectionism — believing that you must be flawless to avoid criticism or judgement.
• Difficulty accepting compliments — dismissing praise or assuming that it has not been earned.
• Persistent unease — feeling anxious, discouraged or unable to rest because your mind continually returns to what you believe you lack.

Do any of these seem familiar?

Most of us have experienced one or more of them at some point. However, these patterns can sometimes overstay their welcome.

We hold on to the moments that appear to prove the little voice in our heads was right:

The Imprint Comparison Leaves

Let me be candid with you.

There are many people whom I believe are better than me. No matter how hard I try, I sometimes feel that I will always miss the point — that somehow, the joke will forever be on me.

We often skate quickly past moments of inferiority without noticing the imprint they leave for our future selves to confront.

Many opportunities are lost because of the belief that we are not good enough. No matter how hard we try, the feeling continues to haunt us. It can leave us feeling as though we are suffocating inside a life we should be free to live.

But inferiority does not always begin within us.

When the World Teaches You to Feel Smaller

In this age of social media, systemic racism and deeply rooted cultural stereotypes, the feeling of inferiority can reach much further than individual insecurity.

I will not explore every part of that history here — that deserves a reflection of its own. However, we can at least dip our toes into it.

For many melanated people, messages about their supposed inferiority arrive very early.

They may be told that they are dangerous. That they are unattractive or too dark. That their hair is too much, their laughter is too loud and their desires are unimportant. They may be taught that they are neither the standard of beauty nor even a standard of beauty.

They may be made to feel that taking up space is an offence.

The most damaging message of all is the suggestion that they are somehow less human.

These narratives can reach people and their families before a child has even learned how to crawl. When history, culture and society have repeatedly represented a people as inferior — or even less than human — how could that message not leave an imprint?

This is only one layer of inferiority. People from many different places, cultures and circumstances carry their own versions of these messages.

But before I go, I would like you to answer one final question:

Originally published on Medium in February 2026 by Abi Bennett. Republished by The Proverbial Messenger with the author’s permission and lightly edited for clarity and flow.